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You will never really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.- William D. Tammeus
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“And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy’s and talk about the day and type your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don’t listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you’re sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the the programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you’re late and be amazed when you’re early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I’m black and be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I’d known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you’re angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you’re gorgeous and hug you when you’re anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I’m next to you and whimper when I’m not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I’m rejecting you when I’m not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I’d ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don’t believe me and have a feeling so deep I can’t find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I’d get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don’t want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don’t mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it’s empty without you but I want what you want and think I’m losing myself but know I’m safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don’t deserve any less and answer your questions when I’d rather not and tell you the truth when I really dont’ want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it’s all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it’s a beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you”
-Sarah Kane, Crave -
…I was reminded that these small moments are the things that I will look back on with the fondest of memories. We don’t usually take pictures of these moments. We wait until the big things. We have lots of those images. Images from our successes and even images from some of our failures. But so often, these small moments, these quiet moments, just get wrapped up in our minds as “ordinary” and folded into our vast and often non-specific memory. These are the little moments, choices, and interactions that are the truly integral components that make up a life.- Ryan Booth, Happy Birthday to Anne (The Small Things)
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This is beautiful, aint it.
Where you can be this amazing small part of proof and nothing is denied. This was the world where she grew and he aged. It can be this way, not being overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else.
Like you belong to a part of the memory. -
STOP CRYING YOUR HEART OUT
It was a strange reaction.
For someone like me to remain side and jerks of feeling used, when you hadn’t done anything wrong, it’s a mystery. And sometimes, it seems like I don’t have the skills to collect or recollect. The twist and turns of plot that turned us from blue to white. You are the second universe I’ve covered up with sand and naked grief. I will write and think about this a million times in my life, but I’m sure I will still never fully understand the way I choose to distort reality, for you.
I lied.
I don’t like you very much now.I think it’s finally committed to the memory.
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You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you.- Tinkerbell, Peter Pan.
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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Keep your head down
We’re not safe yet
Don’t make a sound
Shh and listen.
Nov. 6 ’09
9:59 pm
I missed watching Bambi. And Jungle Book. And Dumbo.
- via papertissueNov. 5 ’09
10:33 pmOVAL SOUL-ANIMALS
I still had this idea that there was a whole world of marvelous golden people somewhere, as far ahead of me as the seniors at Rye when I was in the sixth grade; people who knew everything instinctively, who made their lives work out the way they wanted without even trying, who never had to make the best of a bad job because it never occured to them to do anything less then perfectly the first time. Sort of heroic super-people, all of them beautiful and witty and calm and kind, and I always imagined that when I did find them I’d suddenly know that I Belonged among them, that I was one of them, that I’d been meant to be one of them all along, and everything in the meantime had been a mistake; and they’d know it too. I’d be like the ugly duckling among the swans.
Richard Yates
Nov. 3 ’09
1:03 am
Where The Wild Things Are (2009)
- via opheliadontNov. 2 ’09
9:26 pm
This story probably won’t warm your heart or make you gush like the others, but sometimes, somewhere, not everybody’s falling in love or crying over shattered hearts, they develop crushes that puts them on a slight high, even if it may amount to nothing, it’s thinking about the possibilities, finding songs that match your feelings, writing about it, glorifying it. Sometimes, for some of us, it’s enough. It’s what we need for now. - Le Love
2:33 amOISEAU PART THREE
the first day i saw him, i didn’t actually see him. i caught his reflection in puddles, neglected to notice the rain from which they fell from. it was the skin i first saw, cinnamon sheets that swept everyone else inside their wrinkles. i saw hair made of feathers, it fell on his cheek bones where freckles were spread out like stale crumbs along the shore of his eyes. you could feel him when he was near you. he felt like the sun made him. like it was his when the sky wasn’t looking. his eyes suggested ulterior motives, round and wet smirks that sat beneath his eyelashes with a purpose. those eyes were made of swamps. mud in between your toes, still waters full of night. you couldn’t get close without feeling their fog. later i’d find that our eyes were different elements. mine were rivers trapped by a dam, stones buried in the deepest parts. sometimes he’d pick them up, skip them along the crests of my secrets. you could pull seeds out of him but they never grew the same thing. it would confuse my eyes but make sense to some dark part of my head. even when i knew i could never dig him up, i never stopped trying. i understood that he was a crack in the ground i would never be able to figure out, but he knew that i was just a shadow. if he spilled his light on me i’d disappear. he always smiled like he could see you when you thought you were safe. only twice had i been on the other end of that smile.
Nov. 1 ’09
9:02 pmBENEATH AN ORANGE SKY
They say what you share with the world is what it keeps of you.
The kind of stuff that would drift into my mind in the midst of a song, and then it would grow and take off in a different million directions and continue reproducing until I am literally deadpan dreamy; I am having that exact moment right now. Not that it happens once in a blue moon, but this exact peculiar moment right now feels like, the first time we met.
I am not a sound of a new being or a crispy realization, but I am definitely the sound behind a book cover that might change the universe when you lift up the in between. The aftershock doesn’t need a translation service. As much as the words travel, we were lost then found. I do feel like a monster’s children though. Parts of a sum. But we still soar with the greatest gains and values and these are already the highest reality for me.
My emotion is gold, sometime heavy sometime shine.
Especially when the stars whisper to the plane.
Oct. 30 ’09
1:18 am
Happy burpday mum. And ZK’s mum hahaha wtf I have no idea how I remembered that. All in all, I want a Sunday wardrobe.
- via sabinoOct. 29 ’09
12:52 amTrust me, I know how it feels. I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you, waiting for everyone to be asleep so you can fall apart, for everything to hurt so bad you just want it all to end. I know exactly how it feels.- Unknown
